“Mute’’
“blag,
blag, blag”. The steps are coming into my way. The tiny ray of light strips the
shadow as it passes the hole. His laughter binds with the cold breeze of the
night that hid me at the corner of my closet. I can smell the burning coals
from hell once again. I want to scream, to cry but I can’t. I can’t...
The fragrance of coconut oil welcomes me as I entered our
Kubo. Inang greets me with her warm smile as she pats the sweetened rice
in the plate. She harmoniously sprinkles the coconut residue at the top of it
as I silently watch her. It is my
birthday; every year she prepares for
my birthday, even though we don’t have much to serve, as long as we are
together. Our home will be filled again by tickling laughter and infinite joy
every time Itang comically sings
there theme song and he dances with us out of the beat. The melody of happiness
echoed in our hearts. But sudden news breaks the rhythm of enthusiasm inside me
and turns into terrifying noise, an unbearable noise. Itang accidentally slipped-off at the top of the coconut tree. He
loosed his grip while reaching a bulk of coconut beside him. He just wanted to
bring home a better meal for the day but the earth asks his breath for the
payment.
Our Kubo is not
a Home anymore; it is just a shelter for Inang
and me. I never saw her smiles once again. She just buries herself with
solitude and sadness that remain with us. One night, a stranger knocks in our
door. As we open our door to welcome him we also open our life for him. He is
my new father; he is part of our new family. He brings back the smile into Inang’s face; he took all the
responsibilities that a good head of a family must have. He rises before the
dawn and aids us to the household chores. He became an epitome of an excellent father
to me in front of everyone.
He builds a new Home for the three of us and colors
our life that faded when Itang died.
But slowly he stains my haven into a dark space and wraths the four-corners of
my asylum. He painted a nightmare inside me. Every night he steps into my room
and drowns my body with his immensity. He tears my garments that guards me from
bareness and abducts my innocence. His body collides into mine and dig wounds
in my heart. His eyes linger my serenity and breaks my virginity. He punches my
body every time I resist but my spirit is the one who feel the pain, infinite
pain that scratches my character; the pain that stitches hell in my withered
morality and battered femininity; the pain that not just happen once but plenty
of times; the pain that no one can heal; The pain that Inang blindly defy and helplessly ceases.
“blag,
blag, blag”, the shallow crisp of a heavy step; The sound of fear that covers
my lips; The clamor of agony that suffocates my soul; the darkness of the night
that deflates my hope. My voice can no longer reach the right pitch of life. My
yell descends as time running away. He will kill me too…
